Its Not Your Fault

Its Not Your Fault
A perspective into the genius mind of Robin Williams

‘Its not your fault,’ a famous line in the film Good Will Hunting where a therapist finally makes a breakthrough with his young and troubled patient. The patient played by one of the writers of the film Matt Damon and the therapist was portrayed by comedian Robin Williams. I categorize him as comedian immediately because that was his main profession but despite his hilarious skills as a comedian he was also a brilliant dramatic actor. Why am I telling you this when everyone knows who this iconic man is? Yes you know this about him. However there were many things that the camera did not let us in on his life.

The cameras stop rolling and America’s favorite funny man goes home to his family to what seems like a normal life. No…he wasn’t normal therefore there was no real normal life for him. Yes he did have a wife and kids but with the creative and genius mind like his nothing is ever really normal. For years he suffered in silence withs severe depression which sadly led to his demise. The man who once insisted that everyone live every day to the fullest and to spend every moment happy when behind that infectious smile was pain. After his death just about all his fans realized that he was trying to warn us….make your life spectacular.

Again this is something that everyone knows…but there are many things that we don’t know. I could stay up all night writing about it if i could. At a very early age growing up with The Three Stooges I had a passion for comedic relief even though I never pursued comedy as a career. I became a filmmaker with a focus in comedy, mainly slapstick a more old fashioned form of comedic relief. As I got older and wrote comedy pieces myself I decided to make a documentary, which Im still working on called ‘Vaudeville: A Drama.’ Vaudeville and drama? I know right, it makes no sense. Being a huge fan of The Three Stooges I was shocked when I discovered that Moe, Larry, Curly, and Shemp may have been in comedy shorts for most of their career but off screen their lives were anything but funny. I then learned that many of my favorite actor/comedians had somewhat sad and troubled personal lives…Mel Brooks, Gene Wilder, Larry Storch, Ken Berry, Bob Crane, Leo Gorcey, Jackie Gleeson…the list goes on. I became fascinated with the fact that these people were able to be so funny while battling severe mental and physical challenges at home, (drinking, drugs, marital problems, affairs, miscarriages, stillborns, racism, porn addictions, family deaths, etc.)

Now Im able to understand a little more as to why Robin Williams truly excelled all the other.

Many fans were crushed when they learned that his early death was suicide. Myself like many others looked up to him as someone who was able to get through those bad times…so when he passed I thought that there was the possibility that I wouldn’t make it either. Then it became clear what he was trying to convey to us over the years…make your life spectacular,

I once hated him for doing what he did when he knew he had so many people who loved him. Now today though if I were to come face to face with him Id be able to look at him in the eye with complete understanding, relation, and sympathy in saying…….

‘Its not your fault.’anigif_enhanced-16874-1408070815-2_previewrobin-williamswhat-dreams-may-come-02


Even when you’re not, you’re perfect.


This line of work that were in called Entertainment may not involve us saving lives or laying our life on the line for others but our jobs are still rather life altering. We dont always make it home in time for dinner. We may miss a soccer game or two. We may have forgotten our own anniversary. We may have had to leave the parent teacher conference early. Our children’s best friends parents may have never met us even though they see our own children more than we do. You get the picture.
This life isnt for everyone. Some people are not up to the challenge. More times than not during that production meeting, on that set, or at the premiere your eye will wander in a direction that it shouldn’t. Your eyes may have wandered to another man that isnt your husband. Maybe it was more than your eyes that wandered.
These are just a few of the many maybes you could come across when trying to balance work and home. Personally i chose work over marriage and children a long time ago and Im more than content with my decision. However if i ever did change my mind I cant help but want to live like Lucy and Desi. They didn’t end up very good i know and they faced all the struggles that I listed I know. Sometimes having those real struggles and still coming out on top makes you feel human. Id feel more human than your average American happy couple.
I often wonder what would Lucy and Desi end up like had they not be famous. Perhaps theyd end up happy and stress free. They’d be sitting on the porch of their home watching their grand children play in the sprinklers, sipping iced tea, holding hands, and basking in their endless love. Fame can break apart a persons soul and a persons family in a heartbeat. I guess Lucy and Desi’s marriage were victims to the fame monster.
Desi once said about Lucy, ‘I love Lucy because despite all evidence to the contrary, I still believe she loves me.’
This world wasn’t good enough for them in my opinion so they had to suffer being apart. They were on the same level of brilliance so strong that no other woman, no other man, or even fame could actually keep them apart forever. Perhaps in heaven theyre sipping their iced teas on their front porch, holding hands, basking in their endless love  and watching the sunset not bearing any ill thought on the human world behind them for tearing them apart.

This Makes Me Alive

lg-the-blessed-2The other night I found myself frustrated as I was putting away my clean laundry. I’m always neat and organized for the most part but I couldn’t fit my clothes into my drawer. Just as I was a bout to get annoyed and give up the thought struck me. . .I have so much clothes that I cant fit it into my drawer. (Yes we do make a trips occasionally to the Salvation Army along with goodwill to donate bags of clothes between the three of us.)

I have so much clothes that I cant fit it into my drawer./ Some people only have one outfit if that.

We have food in our fridge and pantry along with cookbooks./ Many can’t afford a stove or a fridge let alone have food.

We have cars to bring us to work and doctor appointments./ Others take the bus.

I’m saving up for proper audio and lighting equipment./ Others are trying to make rent.

My degree sits on my drawer in the way of my TV sometimes./ People are fighting to get into school.

I have to clean the pool this weekend./ Most of my friends have to go to the neighborhood public pool.

My parents always take each others sides in the rare occasion of an argument./ My parents are alive and love me just as much as they love each other because all my friend’s parents are divorced.

I have to wake up early for church./ I live in a country where I’m allowed to go to church. (Hoping it stays that way too.)

These are all just some of the things I pondered about while standing in my room with a handful of clean laundry. My moment of frustration quickly turned into one of my highest moments of gratitude.

Psalm 118:24

This is the day The Lord has made; let us rejoice and be glad in it.