Sorry that I haven’t blogged in quite a while. I know it’s no excuse but 6 months ago I lost something very important to me and very close to me. She wasn’t old she was in great health one day she stopped eating less than two weeks later she was gone her liver had failed. Then night that she passed away I knew it was going to happen so her and I cuddled together on the floor because she wasn’t feeling well to get on the bed. We watched the 2015 version of Cinderella and directed by one of my favorite director is Kenneth Branagh. I seem to remember a line by Helena Bonham Carter who played the Fairy Godmother in it right before the perfect family was struck by tragedy…’ For sorrow can come to any Kingdom no matter how happy.’ The next morning I woke up a little bit after 6 a.m. panicked and sweating from the bad dream… I went to go give her a kiss and sure enough she had passed. I didn’t deal with it the way that I should have that day immediately I cleaned my room with everything that had reminded me of her gave away all of her stuff and sat her in her final resting place and then casually came into work. It’s not that it didn’t affect me it’s just that it had affected me so much that I had no choice but to continue everything like nothing had happened. However instead for the rest of the summer I misbehaved in every way because I was filling that void that she wasn’t there anymore. I paid the consequences for all the things that I did by the end of the summer closer to calmed down and accepted the grieving process 6 months later.
Why am I talking about this? Why am I talking about something of my personal life on a public blog about films and television shows mostly of the past? You see Turner Classic films have released Some Like It Hot back in June and I wanted to blog then but I wasn’t ready to. The blog was just simply going to be about how going to the cinema can relieve any kind of pain sometimes for the right person including grief. However at the time I still was not ready to admit that she was no longer there that I would come home and she would come running to me and that we wouldn’t cuddle together at night for in fact in my mind she was still there. All my life I had escaped to the cinema and then now I was escaping to forget that she wasn’t home waiting for me. As I said I wanted to blog about it but I didn’t I stopped myself.
Six months later it brings me to this today my mother and I went to the cinema to see a film that I had wanted to see for a while and so did she called Murder on the Orient Express. I have read the book as a kid twice however for some weird reason I couldn’t remember the ending and a lot of the other details. One of my favorite directors was not only starring in it but it also directed it, none other than Kenneth Branagh. Kenneth Banagh was the man that directed Cinderella which was the film that Pandora and I were watching when she passed away in the middle of the night. Since then I’ve watched that film every night, falling asleep to it because I can’t seem to let anything go. I especially can’t let go of that night and waking up to that film. Besides some of the sad factors I was looking forward to seeing this film because I’m also a fan of his work and did not even know that he had directed the film until quite a while after I had already seen it for the first time back when Pandora was healthy and well. Back to Murder on the Orient Express, the visuals the film was absolutely amazing the scenery, the edits, the jump Cuts edits, the acting, the score, and the overall feeling of the film was absolutely fantastic. Kenneth Branagh as the detective didn’t miss a Beat it’s almost as if the character from Agatha Christie’s book had in fact become a real live human being, it was incredible.
As the film went on I don’t mean to put out any spoilers but basically what appeared to be a simple murder on the train turned out to be a much bigger ordeal. It would appear that the man murdered was also the one responsible for the kidnapping and killing of the Armstrong child. Whomever killed this man knew who he really was and what crime he committed even though he had gotten away with it. After the Armstrong child was found dead when the mother got word she went into premature labor with her second child and died along with that child. Armstrong then took his own life for his family had all passed away within a few days of each other. Once the detective had figured this out he clearly stated ‘you never realize what the killing of one person could lead to and how it could in fact destroy the lives of so many others and what didn’t destroy them would slowly suffocate them for the rest of their lives because the grief was that deep.’
To my surprise also and one of Kenneth Branagh films, Cinderella, just like in that film there was one line that kept repeating itself ‘ for sorrow can come to any Kingdom. ‘ In this film there was one line I kept repeating itself and seem to be so much louder than the rest of the lines, ‘ the Deep poison of grief.’
In the film the detective says something along the lines of a killer having a fractured soul but he didn’t believe that he was amongst any killers on the train only people that had in fact experienced the Deep poison of grief.
It seems so odd to me the film that brought me Comfort when it shouldn’t have was Cinderella directed by Kenneth Branagh. That film brought so much comfort to me because her and I were watching it as we fell asleep. The family was so happy and everything was so perfect when tragedy struck. You never know what can happen. You can be 10 years old in perfect health like Pandora and then suddenly one day not eat , you get brought to the doctors and they tell you that your liver is failing. Then not even two weeks later pass away peacefully in your sleep in the arms of your mother to a film called Cinderella. 6 months of experiencing the Deep poison of grief your mother who was survived by you sees a film that is also directed by Kenneth Branagh called Murder on the Orient Express. Watching this film for her, something suddenly made sense when he explained how the death of one person could affect so many people so drastically and how the death of one person could affect the person they love the most so drastically. Killers have a fractured soul as the detective said. He was right about that. The Deep poison of grief as he also spoke of his very real to. I can’t bring her back, I’ve tried. However watching Cinderella the past 6 months at night has brought me Comfort. Seeing the film today has brought me Comfort. Its directors like Kenneth Branagh that heal people like me that makes being a filmmaker more than rewarding.
One day at a time.